dont care too much
dont bother too much
dont try too hard
dont overthink
dont dont dont

be happy, Atiqa x

this is the part i feel like shit all over again.
people and feelings, they dont go together that well, do they?
you know how ironic it is when you get so numb....but it hurts.
exactly.
i dont want to have feelings. nor do i wanna give too much of a damn anymore.
because i know what it does to people like me.
we get treated unfairly back. but then again, nothings ever fair, is it?
just remember Allah, Atiqa. Redha redha.
i have to be a stronger person..a better person for myself.
no time to think and trouble myself with all this heartache. if i do, it's just gonna mess me back again once more. i dont wanna go back there, nor do i wanna look back. it'll drown my back in the darkness.
i hate silence. i hate how silence, can be so deafening.
oh now you see the irony, dont you. 

thought i might just share some good music with you readers.

Jack White//Love Is Blindness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWir6wUkPtw
Lana Del Ray//Young & Beautiful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60
Skylar Grey//Dance Without You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb-zeKazZPg

it's the 18th of May 2013.
how's my life, i've been wondering...asking the same thing over and over again.
it's disappointing, it's so sad that i find myself...being lost. like. i do not know what to think anymore.
i just wanna go missing from everyone really.
i've lost faith in matters of the heart. i used to be such a strong believer. i used to believe in hope. it's sad that all those are slowly fading away.

it's depressing how people take my kindness for my weakness. how people actually take it...take me for granted. sometimes i just wanna not be kind anymore. but no, thats just not me.
all this is bullshit. i've other things to look forward to. to prioritise. i dont wanna bother about all these piece of jnjnjskd anymore. i can't take another blow...i cant.

off-ed my phone. deactivated my twitter.
if you're smart enough, if you've been paying a lil bit more attention to me, perhaps you'll find me here. i know you wont i know you wont. you're only gonna miss me for a while. and then, it's back 2 square 1.

ingat allah, Atiqa. Redha Atiqa.

how can i ever thank you enough? you're always there at my worst. always. i left you once but you've never left. thank you. (-:

#positive.

why?
so many questions going through my mind.
why do you have to do that?
why do u have to lie?
who is she?
why couldnt you just reject her?
what am i? what am i?
cant put these thoughts into words. it's all in a mess. it's all in a mess.
i cant stop crying. i just cant.
am i not good enough or do i deserve so much more?