atiqa...please stop crying.
i wish i can call someone up because im fucking down.really.
can someone just wake me up.
please wake me up.
tell me. scold me. push me.
please just wake me up.
i dont deserve to be crying over someone who dont give one shit to me.
3AM.
and my face drenched with my tears.
i need to move on. move on. move on.
please someone help me.
i cant do it all alone.
maybe i can. but im so weak and tired.\it's not a joke when one as harboured suicidal thoughts at this time really.
i dont wanna go back there. i dont want to..........
im afraid. im so afraid.
someone please.

i
do
not
want
to
be
how
i
used
to
be.

in life, you're gonna hurt people.
especially people you love.
and if at some point of time, if things never works out after constant tries, you have to give up even if that's the last thing you want to do.
even if it hurts.
even if its painful.
who told you that letting go and giving up is ever easy?
do it, even if it seems like the last thing you wanna do, because it might just be the last...right thing..left to do.

nights.

words.
what are words?
words are just....words. am i not right?
no.
do you realise the power of words?
1 word, 2 words, 3 words.
how...they make up a sentence?

do you realise the power of words?

words. they have the power to cut you so deep.
but words. they also have the power to make you move the fuck on (on the brighter side).

so you're saying i dont walk the talk.
that..i dont do the things i say.
you know...words.. think twice, just remember to think twice.
words can affect you. your life. your future. it's true.
each time i say something, i don't carry it out at all. well, now..you.watch.me.

i did it. but i was weak. my emotions(again) got in the way.
remember how cold i could be? i be that just again.
& im gonna do it...all over again.
& im not gonna let the same thing happen all over again.

do you know what's worse than being labelled as Fucked Up?
"Your Mind Is Fucked Up."
fucked up, screwed, twisted. what else what else my dear.
as if it's new to me even. though it isnt new, it cut me..real deep. and i hope you're contented.

you talk bout ego like you've none at all. People.
They should consider buying more mirrors. To reflect on themselves first before pinpointing others.
Poeple.
They should consider appreciating what they have till it's gone.
Ah fuck it, gonna do more productive things in case some Drag starts yapping away.

timecheck:1:40AM.
go to sleep all of you. let your twisted minds rest.

it's a little too dark here isn't it?
look, look at the waves.
waves after waves after waves of..darkness.
let's brighten it up a bit.
with a song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWOyfLBYtuU

great song by Florence and the Machine//Dog days are over.

enjoy your Tuesday.
i'll actually recommend to you readers to listen to the live version. got me smiling.

hi.

things are so uncertain..it makes me think. makes me wonder. how do i stop these thoughts?
thoughts
            thoughts
                        thoughts
i might just
drown
in
my
sea
of
thoughts.

what are we. things are so uncertain.
should i stay or should i go.
how do you...make it seem so simple?

these thoughts, it feels bad, feels wrong. how can something...so...complicated..sorrowful and torturing..be the same thing that keeps me...happy. and contented.
doesn't make sense at all does it?

it bothers me that we are nothing but something.
bothers me how we're nothing when there's something.
i hate uncertainty. and if i go, dont be angry, or sad. because i wanna remind you that if you ever come across this(i dont think you ever will), i love you very much. i love you endlessly. i dont think i've loved anyone else as much as i love you. you're so precious K Shah.

this is for you ah girl.

i've been refraining and shutting myself up because i dont see a point in retaliating and shit like that. but girl, i think everyone has their own limits. i've been enduring you for quite some time. you...are too much. i think it makes you happy that im finally retaliating back isnt it? im not mad. or anything. i thought you would actually be mature enough to just shut the fuck up. when my friend talks about you and those childish fucks, i told them to stop. ya in your head now you're prolly saying "i didnt even tell u to stop them so just go ahead" bla bla bullshit. but just get it into your pea brain that im not the kind of person who tells you that i dont hate you but go on about disturbing you and talking about you because im not that low either. and i couldnt care less about your life neither. you're a girl, and i kind of hoped that you actually understand me from my point of view. but oh well, look, i thought wrong. honestly, if you dont like me, why are you still stalking me and all. ok la, i wont flatter myself to think you're stalking me, but it runs somewhere along the line. i dont really bother myself with people like you, but you are really a cunt. please feel ashamed of yourself though i know you wont. im sorry for calling you a cunt right now. may seem childish to everyone that im even retaliating. yup you can ask me back...why do u think it's referring to you? but hey, touch your heart and ask yourself, who you were referring to. come on, im not that stupid either. just stop stooping so low really because i think you're not that low either. and girl, i know you lead a good life, you have good family and yea, your life is prolly real good but not everyone leads a good life just like you. sometimes when people feel like shit, they really do. you dont need a certain age to feel like shit, you know? yea im prolly 18 only but i think i shouldnt feel restricted when it comes to how i feel. and stop assuming that everytime i feel like shit, it's because of boys. sigh. you're shallow minded, but i dont blame you. and i dont hate you. but i hope you grow the fuck up and stop bothering yourself with my life. but who am i to stop you? but thank you still for even taking the time out to read this out. no hate to you. just...try to be a lil less bitchy because you're a nice girl.

hi.
if you're reading this, i should prolly warn you that when you see a new blog post, it's prolly depressing.

so sad today, so sad yesterday, so sad tomorrow. i cant comprehend how i feel. i feel like, im not the girl i actually feel. like, though it's not entirely a facade, i......

i feel shit bout myself. not because im fishing for compliments. or anything of that sort. but because, i genuinely feel that way. i have to come to terms that someone out there is better than me, but i should always be the best for myself. how do i do that.

the people i hope i could count on to be there, and just, assure me, well they're always there for a little while and then they...just annoy me. or agitate me. on purpose. i really dont need this bunch of sick fools. how the fuck can someone make fun or laugh at someone else's...bitterness? havent it ever crossed your mind that i might actually really really feel like a fucking piece of a motherfucking shit? and that the least you can do is to respect how i feel?

im so sick and tired of how vicious humanity has turned into. the compassions gone. the empathy is gone. where's the fucking love? so sick and tired of people like you. really. and they tell me to stay away. but stubborn me, stubborn heart, you never listen do you?

maybe its time.
just maybe.